Book of the Week: The Gifts of Imperfection

Published by Smart Office


Author(s): Dr. Brené Brown
Publisher: Hazelden, 2010
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Dr. Brené Brown is considered a touchstone author for psychologists, therapists, and social workers in the 21st century, and this book demonstrates why. First published over a decade ago, many readers struggling with perfectionism or imposter syndrome found The Gifts of Imperfection to be life-altering and revelatory.

One of the most-quoted passages is Dr. Brown’s description of how to live a “wholehearted life,” without shame of self-recrimination:

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.

As we grow to understand more about the diversity of human intelligences and abilities, this passage becomes more meaningful. These days, readers can acknowledge the numerous demands on their time, the impossibility of “having it all.” But it can be hard to accept that we can’t do it all when confronted on all sides by social media influencers and high-profile entrepreneurs and thought leaders whose carefully curated lives appear to be effortless, full, and flawless. The Gifts of Imperfection challenges readers to think of themselves as whole and worthy, even when we stumble or leave things undone.

“Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” – Dr. Brené Brown

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Dr. Brené Brown

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” – Dr. Brené Brown

Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we’d no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, What if I can’t keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn’t everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself?

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, PhD, a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares what she’s learned from a decade of research on the power of Wholehearted Living–a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.

In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough, and to go to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.